"Life,the Universe and Everything"

{October 25, 2014}   Envy

It usually starts slow
Like a super soft whisper
Blowing in the wind
Gently flirting with your ears
Like being touched by the fleeting-floating feather…

Being human and egoistic,
One ignores the distant realisation
Believing one is above such pettiness
But the seed, my friend, has been sown
We were just too busy pretending to be better than ourselves..

Then comes the second wind…
When the whisper behind the ears
Is loud enough to make you mildy annoyed …
And gets you wondering…
Is it really true?

Even though soft and mild
The whisper seems to be growing steadily loud
A feeling of nausea and diaphragm constricting is a regular…
You are smiling and still trying be the better human and happy for others…
What actually happens is an underlying rage that builds up
Just that you are clueless on who/what/why/when/how…

The cluelessness then leads to alternate bouts of bitterness or rebellion
And the stupid ego has still not figured
That its trying to be the better neighbour
The one that smiles and finds happiness in others
The one that believes in that tomorrow will be their day..

The whisper then eventually dies out
The struggle between confusion and depression is settled
Because it has now been replaced by a full blown rage…
Anger becomes everyday natural state of the body
When it hits you – the feeling you were fighting all along is just envy…

You feel you are better than that
I feel that I am better than that…
But so it is.

Life yet again mocks at the human ego
And reminds you that everything might happen for a reason but not necessarily a good one…
And more often than not, talent is inversely proportional to luck…
Your age old belief of 99% perspiration delivering results is 99% a myth…

And in case you were wondering the realisation of being “envious” gives you peace…keep hoping!

Damn the slow, cold and nauseous Envy!

{September 2, 2014}   I No Longer Have Patience

“I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me.

I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me.

I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise. I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping.

I hate conflict and comparisons. I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities.

In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement. Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals.

And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.”

– Meryl Streep

Originally posted on The Shooting Star:

This post was initially intended to be a rant, about how my life as a travel blogger isn’t as perfect as it can seem, how everyone’s always asking for free content, and how ‘knowing people’ can have more value than good work. I’ll be honest; July has been a pretty terrible month. Having reached a point where I really needed to focus on earning some money, I decided to put all my travel plans on hold this month and work with a vengeance (Read: How I Afford My Travels and How You Can Too). Let’s just say I didn’t meet my financial goal, but that wasn’t the disappointing part. The disappointing part was that karma, and I dare say life, bitch-slapped me in so many ways this month.

In the midst of penning this rant, I started to recount how amazing the first half of my year had been…

View original 1,191 more words

1. You’re not anti-social, you’re selectively social.

2. At any given point, you have one (maybe two) best friends who are your entire life. You’re not a “group of friends” person. You can’t keep up with all that.

3. Social gatherings that are supposed to be “rites of passage” like prom and dances and other such typical nonsense is just… not for you. You don’t understand it. You want nothing to do with it.

4. When you do choose to grace a party with your presence, you are the life of it. You’re dancing on the table and doing body shots until 3 a.m.

5. … You then retreat into three days of complete solitude to recover.

6. You go out of your way to avoid people, but when you inevitably have to interact with them, you make it seem like there’s nothing in the world you’d rather be doing.

7. Dating is weird, because you’re smiling and laughing and talkative at dinner, and then you don’t want to answer their texts for four days, because like, you just want to be left alone…

8. You’re accused of being flirty with everybody, which is hilarious, because in reality, you can only tolerate like four people.

9. You retain an air of mysteriousness about you, completely unintentionally. (There’s no mystery. You just feel no need to update the social sphere on what’s going on in your life every two hours.)

10. Not to mention the fact that you either have days in which you’re tweeting and status updating every five minutes… or you delete your accounts for a month.

11. You become unintentionally awkward because you at once feel the need to be a social life jacket for other people, though you’re just as uncomfortable yourself.

12. You’ve never really understood the whole “introvert vs. extrovert” dichotomy (can we call it that?) Because you’re… both…

13. You’re always thrown into the ringer because people think you’re best suited to be the one who gives the presentation, confronts the boss, gives the speech, etc. Meanwhile, you’re practically throwing up over the thought of it.

14. You ebb and flow between wanting to be noticed for your hard work, reveling in the attention and achievement you receive, to sinking and panicking over the thought of somebody else paying more than 30 seconds of attention to you.

15. The entirety of your being is a conundrum, so needless to say, indecisiveness is your Achilles’ Heel. I don’t quite agree with this point from the original. I would go with:

15. You have bursts of energy when you feel its your job to make everyone comfortable and entertained and then you need to keep quiet to regroup.

16. You’re at your happiest in places like coffee shops and cafés: surrounded by people, but still closed off and keeping to yourself.

17. You prefer to travel alone, but meet up with people once you’re there.

18. It’s taken you years to figure out that you’re shy. Literal years. And when you tell people, even your closest family members, that you’re “actually just shy” they pause, and then their eyes go big, and they go: “Oh my god you so are. Not.”

Source: This article was literally written for me – agree to all points except point 15 – http://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2014/07/18-struggles-of-having-an-outgoing-personality-but-actually-being-shy-and-introverted/

{August 20, 2013}   Scared and Confused

Today is one of those days on which I started on a high because I remembered a famous quote by Steve Jobs encouraging crazy/rebels all around the world

However, it followed on with 4 pieces of news which made me happy yet lost at the same time:

1. A colleague was getting married and gave me an invitation card
2. A childhood friend got engaged and sent me pictures
3. A very close friend is studying for GMAT to get into B-School next year
4. An old friend, who’s been married for 5 years or so now, finally moved out of Australia to a South-East Asian country to teach

One of those moments you feel extremely happy for the person in question because something great is happening to someone you care about. But it’s also one of those many moments when you look into your own life and take stock of how has life spanned out for you.

I have come to realize I have really started to HATE 2 questions:

1. What’s new?
2. What’s next?

The former, I usually end up saying “Nothing, same old” and I don’t even say it as one of those automatic replies, you know the kind where someone asks “How are you?” and you say “Fine, Thank you!”…I genuinely mean it when I say “Same old” because if I drew some kind of graph of my life in the last 2 years and 8 months (and am talking about 23,280hours!) versus new incidents/learning/event, etc…I am probably going to get a flat graph.

A quick analysis of the last 23,280hours (which is about 5% of lifetime assuming I live till I am 60) would reveal:

1. I pretty much slept 50% of it. And I mean it, I end up sleeping 10-12 hours a day think it’s some of kind of a defense mechanism where I feel I shall get up one morning and things might be magically different. Not going to work. I know. But still.

2. 20% of the above, I was in a 10am to 7pm job. By most standards, I would be considered to be working in a cushy job with flexible timings, work-life balance and absolutely the best boss and colleagues you could ask for. But this is, unfortunately, not where I thought I would be when the big 30 is just round the corner. I know this might be a case of admiring the birds in the bush instead of the one in the hand but what if the bird in hand is the very reliable, bringing the bread to the table (or should I say the egg!) hen while the birds in the bush are the dazzling peacock.

3. That leaves a definite 30%, which I have dabbled with:
a. Spanish
b. Yoga
c. Book Writing/Editing
d. Reiki
e. Zumba
f. Salsa
g. Circuit Training
h. Running/Walking
i. Reading anything I can my hands on
j. Travelling occasionally
k. Fretting over my finances
l. Dealing with anxiety attacks on the next question that I hate: “What Next?!”

Which brings me to the next question – What next?!!!!

It’s bad enough that I have absolutely no clue how to answer the above and when I sincerely reply “I don’t know”, I have people asking me in the most ludicrous and flabbergasted manner “What do you mean by – I don’t know?” Like seriously I have no idea where you learnt English from but “I don’t know” seems very basic to me…What do you want me to do – may be try Spanish “No lo sé” or Swahili “i sijui”…?!! How difficult it is to understand “Je ne sais pas” (that’s French btw and I took it off Google…even the Swahili actually!).

And that is not even the most annoying part – the most scratch-your-nails-down-the-blackboard annoying part is that it’s already frustrating enough that I KNOW that I have seriously no idea what I plan to do with the next 30 years of my life (which most definitely doesn’t look very short to me!) AND to top it, I have every 3rd person reminding me of the fact every time I decide to say “Hello!”

Obviously, at any given time, I have the very well-trodden path that I seemingly see everyone around me taking:

1. Getting Married
2. Getting a Masters degree

Well, honestly, I am (happy to be) not-married anytime soon and Masters is not a financially viable option for me which also means my career is at a somewhat stand-still without one.

And then I have the path less travelled which seemingly seems to be my path – as a result of both choice and chance, and I am still wondering if I should walk back to the fork in the road (but how?!) and choose otherwise…?!

I know, people often say, that hindsight always helps us recognize the many blessings in disguise. My question is, is hindsight supposed to be on my-death-bed or may be sometime sooner than that…like in the next few months?!

The yet another irritating bit is that, I will be told by many on how they have been there and done that, and that this is just a phase and it will pass, etc etc…But then I look at 8 out of 10 people and the life they have lived and I tell myself, if THAT is how this “phase” of mine is going to pass then I am even more worried than worried can be…

As for the remaining 1-2% people, they do seem to give some hope and confidence but then again, I fear purely based on probability – what are the chances that I won’t be one of many in the 80% group who have a zestless, mediocre or/and boring existence filled with “what ifs”, regrets, unfulfilled dreams, and forced compromises/sacrifices…

In short, I am shitting-bricks-scared and completely confused!


And anyone who tells me “it will work itself out”, I shall clobber them…I mean it!
(I don’t get why it is necessary to write/say “I mean it” – I mean, I am SAYING/WRITING it, so obviously I mean it!!!)

{August 20, 2013}   Break The Rules!

“Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you,
and you can change it, you can influence it,
you can build your own things that other people can use…”

An Inspiration

– Steve Jobs, Founder of Apple Inc

{July 24, 2013}   The Peter-Pan Generation

forever young

The other day I had lunch with my father, who was in London on business. He took me to his favourite pub and somewhere between the tomato soup and the mains he started a conversation that he has, until now — miraculously — avoided.

He glanced nervously at the waiter and sank his glass of wine before launching in, asking me what my plans are for life: Did I see myself settling down and starting a family? Am I saving up to buy a house? What is going to be the next step in my career?

There was a pause as I looked at him blankly and shrugged, before muttering that immortal phrase, loved by teenagers across the land: ‘I dunno.’

Except I’m not a teenager. I am 34.

When he was my age, my father was putting my six-year-old sister and eight-year-old me through prep school, and had another three-year-old daughter at home. He had been running a business for ten years, owned a house and had a pension.

In short, all the usual trappings and responsibilities of a middle-class man of that generation.

I, on the other hand, live in a rented flat with my youngest sister and have few savings to speak of. I certainly don’t have a pension.

As for the idea of marriage and children, well, it’s exactly that: just an idea — it’s no closer to being a reality than it was when I was 23.

My ‘life plan’ as my father so sweetly called it, goes as far as this weekend.

‘Don’t you think you should start thinking about these things?’ he asked. ‘You do know you’re not 20 any more, don’t you?’

I’m not sure that I do.

While I am a fully paid up member of adult society in many ways — I pay taxes, cast my vote and give money to charity — in other ways, I am in hopeless denial about my age.

Though I had always assumed that, by now, I would have found the love of my life and settled down, by choice or by fate (I still don’t know which) that hasn’t happened.

As a result, I behave in much the same way I did ten years ago, spending my money today rather than putting it aside for the future. Always grabbing one more night out with friends before the invites dry up.

The thought of saving up the deposit for a flat is so daunting that I choose to throw money away on rent, instead.

I haven’t yet had to grow up so, well, I haven’t.

Reckless, irresponsible and immature? Yes. But at least I can take comfort in the fact I am not alone.

Last week, I read that there is even a name for people such as me. We are the ‘Peter Pan generation’; a sizeable group of 25 to 40-year-olds who exist in a state of extended adolescence, avoiding the trappings of responsibility — marriage, mortgage, children — for as long as possible.

‘Our society is full of lost boys and girls hanging out at the edge of adulthood,’ says Professor Frank Furedi, a sociologist who has been studying this phenomenon, at the University of Kent.

‘Another word sometimes used to describe these people is “adultescent” — generally defined as someone who refuses to settle down and make commitments, and who would rather go on partying into middle age.’

These people, he says, might live with their parents until they are in their 30s, choose to put off getting married as long as they can — or even remain single well into adulthood, continuing the life they had in their early 20s.

You only need to look at the statistics to observe this intriguing trend.

Back in 1970, men typically got married at 24 and women at 22. Currently, the average age at which people marry is 32 for men and 30 for women.

Why are the lives of my generation so utterly different from those of our parents?

A recent report shows that the number of women getting married in their late 30s and 40s has almost doubled in the past decade.

Meanwhile, the average age for starting a family today is 28 for women, up from 24 in 1970 . And, thanks to IVF and fertility treatment, more and more women are delaying starting families until they are 40.

What’s more, many more of us are deciding not to marry at all. Figures released by the Office for National Statistics at the end of last year show that more than half of women under 50 have never been married — double the figure recorded 30 years ago.

As for taking on the commitment of buying a house, in the Eighties the typical first-time buyer was 29. Today they are 38. And, according to a report by LV Insurers, by 2025, the average age of a first-time home-buyer is forecast to be 41.

So why has all this come about? Why are the lives of my generation so utterly different from those of our parents?

Well, you could blame the economy. Taking that first step of becoming an adult — buying a house — is harder than ever. Every day we see new headlines about adults having to move back home with their parents to save the sizeable deposits now needed to buy a property.

Three million 20-to-34-year-olds now live with their parents. A third are men and 18 per cent are women. And that three million total is an increase of 20 per cent between 1997 and 2011, according to the Office for National Statistics.

Even those who don’t live with their parents are more likely to be financially reliant on them. According to a report earlier this year, more than 13 million parents paid out £34billion in loans and gifts to offspring who are well into their 40s.

My parents are not in a position to help me financially, and I find the task of saving for a deposit to buy a flat so onerous, and the reality of what and where I could afford to buy so depressing, that I’ve made the (very childish) decision to not even think about it.

‘People are scared of thinking of themselves as adults. They cannot see anything good that comes with being an adult; all our cultural values are with youth.’

Which may hint at the real problem. Professor Furedi, who is in his 60s, says we cannot blame the economy — or property prices — for what he calls the ‘infantalisation’ of today’s adults.

‘If you read the newspapers, all you hear is that young people’s lives have never been as horrible as today — which basically requires historical amnesia, because that is not the case. Recession and economic depressions have happened across the past century but, in my generation, the important thing was that you struck out on your own — even if you faced serious economic hardships and you were broke all the time. Now people make excuses,’ he says.

He believes there are much bigger psychological factors at play — and that the root of our refusal to grow up is fear.

‘People are scared of thinking of themselves as adults. They cannot see anything good that comes with being an adult; all our cultural values are with youth and the further we move away from that, the more anxious we become,’ he says.

He believes that the trend for adults to read books aimed at children and teenagers (such as Harry Potter, Hunger Games and Twilight), the popularity of cartoons such as the Simpsons, and the rise of adults playing computer games, are symptoms of this desire to escape adulthood.

‘People convince themselves that their immature behaviour is an attempt to become carefree, but it’s born out of fear.

‘We now have a culture in which people are frightened of what the future might hold and are terrified of taking risks.’

This can apply to leaving home — or even falling in love. ‘People now avoid or postpone thinking about making a commitment to others for fear they will get hurt,’ he adds.

So am I scared of being a fully-functioning adult? Scared of financial and romantic commitments?

Maybe, although I think it’s more the case that I have convinced myself that I don’t need to grow up — or settle down — just yet.

While my parents’ generation went straight from education to working and starting a family, all in their early 20s, we have a window of opportunity that means we can play around for a bit longer.

Contraception and changing societal attitudes mean that we don’t have to think about getting married and having babies straight away — and our career opportunities are myriad.

When my mother was coming of age, she had three choices: she could become a teacher, a nurse or a secretary. Her three daughters’ lives, however, are very different.

We went to university and were told there was nothing in the world we couldn’t do. We rose the career ladder, travelled the world and had a freedom she could only imagine.

We were — and still are — spoilt for choice. And many people would argue that this is not a good thing.

Just over ten years ago, a groundbreaking book by Alexandra Robbins and Abby Wilner coined the term ‘quarterlife crisis’ to describe the anxieties of a generation of 20-somethings who had the world at their feet, but no idea which direction to step in.

We were, according to the authors, ‘suffocated by choice, responsibility and self-doubt’.

The decisions on whether to marry or not marry, start a family or not, travel or stay put, stick in your existing job or find a new one can make us overwhelmed, anxious and depressed.

Another more recent report, from Greenwich University researcher Oliver Robinson, found that the ‘demanding nature’ of 20 and 30-somethings means we ‘are not happy with a mediocre, ploddy, conventional life’ — in other words, the kind we think our parents have.

But we’re not that happy with our freedom either.

Actually, the decisions on whether to marry or not marry, start a family or not, travel or stay put, stick in your existing job or find a new one can make us overwhelmed, anxious and depressed.

Of course, there is one decision that a woman — even of the Peter Pan variety — cannot put off for ever, and that is whether to have a child.

For years, I was too busy working and having fun to even think about it — and now, even at 34, I have no idea if I want to be a mother. No maternal urges have kicked in yet and, besides, there is not exactly a line of suitors waiting at my door.

Either way, I fool myself into thinking that I don’t have to decide just yet and cling to any headline about women having their children at 41 and 42 as proof that, yes, there is plenty of time.

But is there? The obvious truth is that fertility plummets in your 30s and I am worried that I will wake up one day and regret that I missed the boat on babies altogether.

I talk about these issues with my fellow eternally young friends, but I’ve noticed, recently, that we are fewer in number than we once were.

For while I have a handful of friends who, like me, are still busy living for the now, there are many more who have, almost without me noticing, found ways to buy the house and start a family.

They are very happy in their new phase of their life, while I am still clinging on to the old one.

In fact, I’m starting to think that there is a very real danger that, before long, I’ll be the last guest at the party, dancing alone, long after the music stops. And I don’t want that.

It reminds me of another less than flattering soubriquet for women such as me — TWIT (Teenage Women in their Thirties).

Apparently, we’re propping up bars across the country, hoping the dim light disguises our wrinkles and that our Topshop outfits help us to blend in with the 20-somethings around us. And that’s a very sad thought. Perhaps it is time to finally grow up.

Maybe after the summer…

Source: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2176281/Generation-refuse-grow-No-mortgage-No-marriage-No-children-No-career-plan-Like-30-somethings-Marianne-Power-admits-shes-.html#ixzz2ZxHFg6Yh

{July 19, 2013}   Zinda Hoon Yaar…Kaafi Hai!

Mujhe chhod do mere haal pe
Mujhe chhod do mere haal pe
Zinda hoon yaar, kaafi hai!
Zinda hoon yaar, kaafi hai!

Kaafi hai..
Kaafi hai…

Hawaaon se jo maanga hissa mera
To badle main hawa ne saans di
Akelepan se chhedi jab guftagu
Mere dil ne aawaaz di
Mere haathon, hua jo qissa shuru
Usey poora toh karna hai mujhe
Qabr par mere sar utha ke khadi ho zindagi
Aise marna hai mujhe!

Kuch maangna baaqi nahi
Kuch maangna baaqi nahi
Jitna mila kaafi hai
Zinda hoon yaar, kaafi hai!

Mujhe chhod do mere haal pe
Mujhe chhod do mere haal pe
Zinda hoon yaar kaafi hai
Zinda hoon yaar kaafi hai

Mujhe chhod do.. o o..
Mujhe chhod do.. o o..
Mere haal pe…

Singer: Amit Trivedi Music:

Amit Trivedi

Lyricist: Amitabh Bhattacharya

Movie: Lootera

{May 14, 2013}   Limbo

Wake up sunshine


Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock


The moon just smiled at me


Before I know its sunshine again…


Living in a limbo, weathering the monotony


Been lost in the drudgery too long


How did I get here? Where am I going?


Most of the time, I don’t know, what I’m doing…


Trapped in a maze of unanswered questions


Tomorrow seems an odd shade of grey


Things are never what they seem


Even want has lost its want to want me


Energy and Peace, Life and Death


One and the same, One and the same


Tears and Smiles, Masks and Faces


One and the same, One and the same


Living in a limbo,


With nothing to gain


Going with the flow,


With nothing to lose…


– Premanjali

*Limbo is an imaginary place for lost or neglected things; Source:WordWeb

Remember that part in the “Sex and the City” movie when Miranda and Carrie are sitting in the backseat of a taxi, and Miranda is trying to get Carrie to forgive her for basically screwing up her whole wedding and entire life, and then Carrie says Miranda should forgive Steve for cheating on her while they’re at it, and then Carrie says, “It’s forgiveness,” and the taxi driver nods in understanding? Well, that has no bearing on what I’m about to say here.

There are things people do in relationships that are simply never, ever forgivable. You might think we’re talking about “cheating” or something along those lines, but I think the issue goes much deeper than that. There are things far, far graver that a woman can never, EVER forgive her man for doing. Find out what they are after the jump. They may shock and amaze you.

1. Leaving the toilet seat up if it makes you fall into the toilet in the dark in the middle of the night, and you’re at his place and the toilet hasn’t been cleaned all that recently.

2. Saying that sex he had with someone else was better than sex he had with you, even if a) he’s drunk, b) she’s deceased, or c) it’s true.

3. Giving you a Dutch oven, especially if you are asleep or half asleep, and always if the odor is really bad.

4. Not telling you that he is actually “Currently Separated” and not actually “Totally Divorced,” because “Currently Separated” is a lot more like “Still Married” than “Totally Divorced.”

5. Saying something lame when a relative dies, like, “Gee, that’s too bad,” or, “Well, what do you want me to do about that?” or “OK, but I’m still hungry.”

6. Asking you to wear makeup more often or fix your hair more often, especially if the last time that he wore something other than those sweat pants was over a week ago.

7. Shaving, trimming, or otherwise manscaping his nether region, because this is not a porn movie, and your name is not Savanna Sunrise.

8. Trying to make you buy him a) a $200 pair of jeans, b) a full tank of gas so he can “make it home,” or c) dinner on your birthday.

9. Not changing his underpants every day, particularly if they are briefs, although maybe it’s OK if they are boxers.

10. Attempting to tongue you down with morning breath, even if you, too, having morning breath.

11. Switching positions right when you’re about to have an orgasm, especially if then you scream, “NO, WAIT, DON’T”, and he’s like, “What?”

12. Masturbating to anything other than you a) when you’re around, b) in front of you to porn, or c) because he was “bored.”

13. Taking your parking spot, even if it was “only for a minute,” and he thought you thought “it was OK.”

14. Falling asleep while you are talking, regardless of the subject matter or his interest level in it.

15. Scratching his balls a) in front of your mother, b) at the opera, c) because he has crabs.

16. Not telling you not to go into the bathroom when he really, really should have told you not to go into the bathroom.

17. Breaking off an engagement. (Irrespective of whether the woman in question was you or not)

18. Forgetting to wear deodorant on a regular basis, unless his armpits naturally smell like roses, lilac, and jasmine.

19. Letting you go, even if you said it was over, and he knew you didn’t really mean it.

20. Ending your relationship, and when you ask why it’s over, he says, “I don’t know.”

21. Touching another woman’s breasts, butt, or vagina, unless he’s a plastic surgeon, a proctologist, or a gynecologist.

And I say Amen to that! ;)

Source: the Frisky

et cetera

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,204 other followers